A Sublunary Plea

Elan Mudrow

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Dear Kuiperian

We’re caught in the middle of a courtship. The sun and the Earth are tangled in passionate gravity. However, the Earth has a lover on the side, the moon. The sun doesn’t like that and is jealous. So, what do we do? We send Apollo to fix the situation. You know, the god of poetry and the plague. And to top it off, the dude represents the sun. Smart of us, right? So, Apollo just has a great time with the moon, stomping around, leaving footprints, flags, and garbage. Earth gets mad at Apollo, ceasing future communication. Apollo is shelved.

So, we thought the Earth needed to get out of the love triangle and find a significant other. We sent a probe to Mars. (No more Apollos) Mars is a kind of angry sort of guy. He’s not into probing. But, we left Rover there to try and…

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